The Fears of a Woman

Posted on December 26, 2012


A short chat with Emily, a culture prisoner, and her fears about ending a relationship.

It is amazing how we can forgive someone who hurts us every day; are we numb, or did we just learn that life doesn’t revolve around a single person? It is amazing that even much to your desire to slap the devil that fool around you, you opt the way of God and let her exist.

I asked Emily what does her prayers like, she smiled and answered: My prayer contains two parts

First, I ask God to forgive the devil, i consider her a sick person and needs spiritual and moral healing.

Second, i ask God to forgive myself, because i am becoming too complacent with the situation. Everyday, i am losing enthusiasm to put things right. I am learning to embrace the scenario that i hated in the beginning. I am becoming impatient and wait till change happen. From the belief that genuine unification will happen in time, my mindset now favors its impossibility. Because as long as the devil is there, nothing is possible.

I am learning to love the devil because her existence in our life is giving me fuel not to correct the situation but to runaway from it. Looking at the future alone but happy consumes my thought, and the possibility of regaining my freedom. Yes, i cannot be stupid all my life. My temporary stupidity will end in time, when it is less harmful to the people i value the most.

What about your sadness? Emily continues: If there’s anything i am sad about, it is his future. Will she be like me and sacrifice much for his sake? I’m sad about the fact that all of us will get old, and i don’t know what could possibly happen to him in the future. The people he relied upon today to fix his problems may no longer be there because they have their own craps.

When he reach the day he finally realized he needs me …my fear is that i may no longer be there. I’m afraid i have lost that feeling that keeps me holding on. I am somewhere enjoying a life i missed, and that he doesn’t have to be there to complete it.

Posted in: Literature